


A Day in the Life of The Avengers

by OHHYEAHHHHH



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Stupidity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-09 12:31:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19475983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OHHYEAHHHHH/pseuds/OHHYEAHHHHH
Summary: The Avengers are together and shit goes down. There’s no plot. Only arguing, vine references, and fighting over Peter Parker.





	A Day in the Life of The Avengers

**Author's Note:**

> I was half asleep when I wrote this. So please, enjoy!

Tony Stark excitedly jumped on the grill.   
“Let’s get this party started! “ he shrieked.   
Peter Parker yeeted his burger in Steve Rogers’ face.   
“You want a piece of this 100% American patriotic sirloin? “ Steve threatened.   
Peter screamed and hid behind Tony. The Angry Dad glared at Steve.   
“YOU DARE TALK TO MY SON LIKE THAT?! “ he bellowed.   
Bucky Barnes cheered, “I knew it! “ and Sam Wilson slapped money into Bucky’s hand.

“I’m his favorite superhero. “ Steve growled.   
Tony gasped, and looked at Peter, betrayed.   
“Is this true?! “ he cried.   
Peter shook his head.   
“No way, Mr. Stark! I’m my favorite superhero! “ Peter replied.   
“Yo, don’t even. I’m his Spider-Mom. “ Natasha Romanoff snarled, snatching Peter.   
“I’m his dad! “ Tony screamed, snatching Peter back.   
“Hi, His Dad. I’m The Dude Who Killed His Dads’ Parents! “ Bucky chirped. Tony hissed and attacked Bucky. 

“Oh! He need some milk! “ yelled Sam.   
Steve yeeted the grill at Tony.   
“Don’t touch my bro! “ he shrieked. Tony got up and raised a burger, only stopping when Pepper Potts came over and said, “No. “   
Tony dropped the burger and the Bucky.   
“I 100% agree. “ he agreed.   
“Me too. “ everyone also agreed. “POPTARTS! “ Thor exclaimed, inhaling a box of pop tarts. “KNEEEEEL! “ Loki screamed. 

“Oh my god! Loki, my savior! I will always kneel to you, my love! “ Peter cried, bowing.   
“I like this one... “ Loki said mischievously.   
“ANOTHER! “ Thor boomed, picking up Peter and yeeting him into Bucky. “NOOOO! NOT MY SON! “ shrieked Tony in horror.   
“BUCKY! NOOOO! “ screamed Steve. “HAHAHAHAHHAHA! “ Sam cackled. “Ouchie. “ Bucky groaned. 

“Omg, Mr. Thor sir! I love you so much! “ Peter sobbed, his eyes filled with hearts.   
Tony, on the other hand, looked heartbroken. Thor grinned down at the smol bean.   
“I too like this one. “ he said gleefully.   
Tony scooped Peter up.   
“Peter! Are you hurt? Do you need a hospital? SOMEBODY CALL AN AMBULANCE!!! “ he cried. 

Meanwhile, Wanda and Vision were making out.   
“Seriously? Right in front of my salad? “ Clint said, disgusted.   
Bruce wiped a tear from his eye.  
“My baby, all grown up. “ he sobbed.   
“Hey! Our baby! “ Tony added.  
“I’ll do you one better! Their baby! “ Peter screamed.  
“No, I’ll do you one better! Her baby! “  
Scott Lang cried.   
“I shall do thee one better! His b-! “ Thor joined in.  
“I’ll do you one better! Shut the fuck up! “ Wanda interrupted.  
“Language! “ Steve yelled.   
“Language! “ mimicked Tony.

“No. “ Pepper growled.   
“Yep. Okay. “ Tony agreed.  
Peter, still fanboying, squealed and hugged Thor.  
“Your my favorite! “   
Tony looked even more heartbroken.  
“But... I thought I was your favorite. “  
he sniffled.   
“Ha! Loser! “ Steve cackled, pointing at the now sobbing Tony.   
“No! Mr. Stark, your my third favorite! “ Peter reassured him.   
Tony started wailing.

“This is so sad. Alexa, play despacito. “ Peter said.  
Vision started playing despacito.  
“Goodbye, cruel world. “ Tony said, dying.   
“No. “ Pepper said.   
“Fine. Cool with me. “ Tony agreed.   
“You are my dad, “ Peter sang. “Your my dad! Boogie-woogie-woogie! “   
Loki snatched Peter.   
“False. I am now your father. “ he declared.   
Peter whooped, beaming.  
“THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!!! “ Tony screamed, having a temper tantrum.  
“No. “ Pepper said.  
“Yeah. Your right. “ Tony agreed.

Thanos poofed up.  
“It’s Brittany bitch. “   
Tony threw a burger at the wrinkly purple grape and screamed, “BEGONE THOT! “   
Thanos spasmed in fury.   
“WHEN WILL YOU LEARN?! WHEN WILL YOU LEARN?! THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!! “  
he shrieked.  
Thor let out a battle cry and went for the head.  
“Aw, fuck, “ Thanos sighed. “I can’t believe you’ve done this. “   
Then he died.   
Everyone cheered.   
And they all lived happily ever after.

The End


End file.
